Somber, yet hopeful

I think that it’s often very easy, sometimes ludicrously so, to find it hard to identify with professional / high-level college athletes and coaches. They make inconceivably large amounts of money for being involved with a game. In the wake of the recent tragic death of Sean Taylor, I think we were all reminded that despite being able to run through a brick wall, athletes are as susceptible to misfortune and tragedy any of us. With that in the back of my mind, I saw on ESPN today that this week is being referred to as Jimmy V week. That might not mean much to many, but it reasonates deeply with me, and I wanted to share my own highly impersonal experience with Jim Valvano.

For those of you not in the know, Jimmy Valvano first became truly famous when the N.C. State men’s basketball team won the national championship on a somewhat fluky last-second play. However, I was all of one year old at the time of that game, so that’s certainly not why I rememember him. Instead, I remember first becoming aware of Jimmy V during the inaugural ESPY’s. As a young sports fan, it was essential that I watch ESPN’s award show for the best athletes, games, and plays of the year.

When Valvano came on, I wasn’t quite sure what was happening. He was introduced as a great coach and a great man, and a person who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer several months before. At the time, this didn’t have much of an impact on me – I was too young to conceptually understand cancer, and none of my family members or friends had yet been stricken with the disease. I remember seeing one man in the audience appear to be choked up,which signaled to me that something significant was happening. Then Valvano began speaking.

In this space, I have highlighted several speeches I found to be truly outstanding feats of oratory, such as General Eisenhower’s Order of the Day on D-Day. I am so enthralled with wonderful speeches and soliloquies I even have a tag named “Wise Words.” However, it is quite possible that no speech I have ever come across has affected me in the way this did:

That any person could be so brave, so noble, so eloquent, and so selfless is truly a testimony to the limitless potential of humanity. In such difficult times, it is often difficult to remember that we are all capable of such wonderful contributions to our fellow man. For now, I know I will again be making a donation to the V Foundation for Cancer Research. I hope that some of you will find some change in the sofa or an extra dollar or two in a spare pair of pants and do the same. The only truly fitting way to remember such a magnificent human being is to do our best to ensure that his legacy becomes intertwined with the eventual eradication of cancer – in donating, you can become part of that legacy, as well. Have a good night, folks.

Valentine’s Day

So, for one reason or another, Valentine’s Day is always memorable, although not always for wonderful reasons. This year is no exception, but I will get to that later. First, how about a little rambling on love, huh? I just got back into blogging, but I might as well dive into the deep end of the pool, right?

They say money can’t buy you love, but love is very much like money. If you have either, you are probably pretty pumped about the whole thing – millionaires are rarely unhappy about their finances, unless they are truly greedy bastards – in which case, I hope they end up in the poor house.

However, if you are broke or heartbroke, then the odds are pretty good that you’re cussing out capitalism (and what better day to mention love and capitalism than on Valentine’s Day – the createst consumer created holiday ever?) and the opposite sex. In my mind, there are two no greater sources of envy those people who have both love and/or money.

So, what do I have? Well, I’m pretty much broke as a joke. However, I do have a lot of love in my life, so I can not and will not complain too much. So if I begin to whine, feel free to reach out through the series of tubes that make up the Internet and slap me.

So, since I told you today was a bit unusual, I guess I owe you an explanation why. Unfortunately, there was no romantic dinner atop the Eiffel Tower, no hotel room with satin sheets, no dozen roses delivered to my workplace. However, I did have this:

This is special for two reasons. One, ever since Al Gore and others have warned us about the global warming, there has been very few snowfalls, and as a matter of fact, this is the first time we have had over an inch of snow this winter. On February 14. In Massachusetts. I was starting to think that I might never see snow again. So, this was something wonderful. However, it was not special solely because it served as a source of hope that we haven’t destroyed Mother Earth yet. It was also special because it provided something that is the occassional reward to hardy New Englanders who continually put up with precipitation: a snow day. It was particularly wonderful because Wednesday is not exactly a fun day: work from 10-3:30, then class from 4-6:30. Throw in the walk to and from campus, and that’s a nine and a half hour day. Instead, because of the surplus of snow clogging up the roads and the sidewalks of Amherst, I got to spend the day lazing around the house and being generally productive in a low-key sort of way. I cleaned, I read, I wrote, I napped (first time in forever) I cooked myself salmon with wild rice, and I have had an all-around spectacularly sedentary day. The only things left on my agenda? To watch the Boston College-Duke basketball game, and then to decide whether or not to go uptown to have a drink or two with the local ladies. As for that decision…I’m sure you’ll hear all about it in my next post. Bye bye for now…

Her

So, this is starting to become a problem.  I know I’ve jokingly made lists about her all month, but this isn’t so much a laughing matter, even if we laugh a lot together (and smile to each other even more).  You all know who she is.  She’s funny, and beautiful, and has a shy smile, and loves a good time as much as I do, but is equally capable of just hanging out and watching a movie or listening to tunes.

The good times out are fantastic times, and we always roll well together – I have trouble remembering any date/get-together/rendez-vous/meeting/whatever we have had that has been less than a stellar time.  We are equally likely to dominate the Blue Wall or a frat party.   Those are all good.  It’s the other times that get me in trouble.  We sit in my room, watching a movie, or listening to music while having a few drinks.  Inevitably, the music gets turned off, the conversation gets a little lower, and we start to get a little closer.

That’s when my mind starts going into overdrive.  Sure, I’m doing a good job of holding up my end of the conversation, but I’m thinking things I’m not saying, and I know she is too…

I’m thinking about how much fun it would be to run my hands through her hair.  How soft her lips look, and how good her perfume smells.  How she laughs when she’s genuinely amused by something, and how that laughter makes her even more vibrant, more full of life.  I remember how soft her body can be, and how it curves and bends so neatly.  It’s impossible not to kiss her, to take her in my arms, and to tell her not just what I feel, not just what I want, but I what I want to give her.  And yet, I haven’t, yet, for reasons I can’t figure out, yet.  I’m working on it every waking minute I have, because I need to figure out what’s running through my mind.  I can’t kiss her until I do, and that’s the problem.

Why I Hate Lilly Dignan

1. She is in Paris and I am not

2. She is wicked sketchy but has a pristine reputation, whereas I am cursed with the opposite situation. (I’m on the left here)

3. She is overly artsy and craftsy!

4. She is not at all self-conscious about what she says

5. She always blows off Dan and I for Quiznos

To be continued…

50 Reasons Why I Hate Kathleen Edison Continued

I’m on duty tonight. On the lameness scale, this falls somewhere between fairly and totally lame. But I got some good work done on the Judicial Advisors Program charter, so thats all good. Lots of other work breathing down my neck, so its good to get a little something out of the way. The midterm is also done, so thats nice to have in the rear view mirror. Now I have two papers coming up this week, one a 5 pager, one a 30-50 pager. Thats gonna be an awesome time.

Number 14 – Shes never understands what I really mean.

Download some Fall Out Boy. (Legally, of course). Have a good night children.

My Latest Collegian Article

My latest Collegian article, published on Valentine’s Day.

Knowing she’s worth it

by Chris Eckel, Collegian Columnist

February 14, 2005

One of the worst days of my life came on February 14th, 2003. I was still brittle and raw over my recent break-up with my then-girlfriend, so I sat alone in my room watching some awful movie. Except I wasn’t quite alone; my neighbor was with me, or at least her voice. Judging by her tone, she was having sex in her room so loud that it would make Jenna Jameson blush. So now jealousy was going to join my good friend misery and the three of us could hang out. Oh great, life, just twist the knife a little harder. That night lasted longer than the movie “Waterworld.”

I’ve since learned that having a crush you’re afraid to act on is no better than being out of love entirely. I’ve always been a bit of a coward in love. Think about that guy from “Love Actually” who doesn’t tell Keira Knightley that he has a crush on her. She is engaged to his friend, so he knows he has no chance. He tells her that he hid his crush as a form of self-preservation, because he knew if he opened up, he’d end up with a broken heart. And that, in a nutshell, is the approach I’ve taken with this one particular girl I know. For years, I’ve been afraid to tell her how I feel because I’m terrified that she’ll feel differently. Having a dream that I poured myself into be shattered so suddenly might just turn me into a broken ghost of a man.

So, my affection for this lass has become more of a silent obsession. I have an awesome alert on AIM when she signs online so that I can stare at her info in silent awe. She could quote Barney in her profile and I’d still find it profound. Whenever we go to the movies in a group, I always take mental notes about what kind of candy she gets so I can someday get her some chocolate to cheer her up. Rest assured, I also know her favorite Antonio’s slice and favorite mixed drink for those big nights out on the town.

I named one of my pet fish after her – she doesn’t even know I have fish! Right now, it doesn’t matter. Someday, I hope my little beta fish will meet its namesake.

Sometimes, while taking notes in class, I sit wondering about what song I’d whisper in her ear if she gave me the chance. Currently, that song is “Marianne” by Coldplay, but I might find new inspiration. Even worse, I sometimes sit in class and imagine some guy who’s not good enough for her beating me to the punch and cooing the exact same damned song while wrapping his arms around her. Sitting through Math 645: “Ordinary Differential Equations and Developments in Dynamical Systems Theory” is a less painful way to spend 50 minutes.

Speaking of pain, I’ve gone through quite a bit of it for her. I stumbled and slipped my way over to her apartment once in a blizzard to shovel her walkway so she wouldn’t have to worry about doing it. As soon as I had lost the feeling in my nose and decided it was a job well done, I walked away, because I thought she’d freak out at my random kindness. Sweet work-reward ratio, Chris! If Kathie Lee Gifford hears I am willing to work for so little, I might just find myself a post-graduation job – that is, if my frostbitten hands are still nimble enough to sew 4,000 sweatshirts a day. Last summer in Amsterdam, while all my friends were doing the stoned karaoke thing, I sat miserably with my head on the bar because a song that reminded me of her came on. I think everyone just assumed I got a terrible batch of mushrooms, but unrequited love is the ultimate bad trip.

And yet, there’s no way I can possibly convince myself this girl isn’t worth the pain. Nothing great comes without struggle, right? Someday, I’ll tell her how I feel. Someday, she’ll become so happy at what a guy tells her that she’ll finally realizes he’s the one. I can only hope those days end up being the same day and that guy is me. Like today: it’s Valentine’s Day. It’s time to get my answer from my muse, my daydream, my reason to believe in Boyz II Men and “Sleepless in Seattle.” I’m going to track her down sometime today and spill my heart out to her.

To all of you who have equivalent crushes, I suggest you go find that special girl or guy and do the same. Odds are, if he or she likes you, you don’t even need to elaborate as hopelessly as I did. Just mention you’d like to get coffee sometime. If you never try, you’ll always regret not having known what he/she thought. All you’ve got to lose is a front-row seat to your neighbor’s porno set. Good luck bringing a little more love into the world.

Chris Eckel is a Collegian columnist.

And So It Goes…

All the things I want to say but I can’t

All the things I want to do but I won’t

Hold me tight

Not too tight

I’m in knots and you tie me in bows

I feel pretty

I know that you care

You’re so sweet

You’re so so sweet

It’s not a hurry tha we’re in

It’s the pollen

It’s the spring

I can’t make me love you

And you can’t make me either

Patience Boy I need it

I can’t make me love yooooooou

Oh oh oh

Paper pen and a piece of your heart

I can read it but where do I start?

What to do

What do I do?

An I am going but I’m gonna come back

And maybe then this maybe that

Hold me tight

Not too tight

It’s not a hurry that were in

There’s no problem

That’s the thing!

But I can’t make me love you

And you can’t make me either

Patience Boy I need it

I can’t make me love yooooooou

Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Everyday there’s something new to hold onto toooooooooo a little more of yoooooooouu

I Can’t make me love you

And you can’t make me either

Patience Boy I need it

I can’t make me love yooooooou

Patience Boy on strange days

I can’t make me love yooooooooouu

Oh oh oh

No. 7 On the FBI’s Most Wanted List

Could This Be The Girl I Adore!?

I know, I know. I find it hard to believe myself. A character so suspect, that her picture should be hanging on the walls of a post office, not my website. In fact, deep down, I speculate the reason the photo is so blurry is not because it was taken with a bad camera. For she has a very nice camera (maybe stolen?). In actuality, I think its blurry so in that in case she ever has to go on the lamb like Whitey Bulger, the authorities won’t have a good description to rely on. And it wouldn’t be much of a suprise if she did decide to take off and hide out. After all, she’s got a long history of associating with sketchy people and breaking the hearts of everyone who comes near her. Not only that, but she knows how to use crocheting needles and could probably kill you with them. Good friends, like Dan, Dave, and Blood, warn me off every day. “Get away from that girl, before she breaks your heart or stabs you in the ear, or steals your beer!” they all cry. But I have never been one to take the opinion of another over my own, and so I stubbornly forge on in my impossible quest to win her affection. She is the one I venerate every day. She is rapidly approaching deity status. She could potentially join the holy duo of Jesus, the Chicken Carbonara (with no mushrooms) sub at Quizno’s. A God, a sandwich, and now a girl!!?? Would that form a trinity? What have I gotten myself into? Very strange development. The End. For Now. More Later? Maybe.